i am silly irresponsible
i overdraft money from my bank account, i sleep whenever and however long i feel like, i mooch, i insult, i search for people's weaknesses and exploit them, oh inconsiderate me.
i hate having to be responsible for myself.
inconsiderate and naive of me.
do i think of people as often (or as little) as they think of me? do they think of me as often as i think of them? am i a good person? what have i given to the world? does it matter? if there really is a god, nothing makes sense. isn't the concept of two separate genders strange? the primary purpose of living is to prolong existence. each unit is exhaustible. create a duplicate of yourself. and you live forever. asexual reproduction makes much more sense. anyway. whatever. why do i think so hard on it? i have too little facts to begin with. why do people want to be president so badly? it's like wanting to be the babysitter of the biggest fattest whiniest most problematic and selfish baby. do these people really think they can make the world a better place? is their vision so great? what kinds of medications do they take to keep themselves from being overwhelmed by a world so terrible? i am thankful and grateful to them alright, for letting me live my sheep pasture life.
thankful and grateful as christians are to their god, i suppose. oh how i muse.
it's strange to be all alone. i can do whatever i want. i look at the floor and the floor is dirty. i can use the vacuum right now at 3:30 in the morning. the dirty floor bothers me right now, and i dont have to hold off my own just for myself personal desire to clean it as i please to please only myself. if someone else were home, they'd probably be asleep and i'd have to hold off using the vacuum so as to not disturb their sleep. but is it not my desire to wish them a peaceful night's rest? i would not be happy to have someone i love and care for and respect to be disrespected, no matter how slight. am i fighting myself? is it win-win? or does part of me lose? do i weight pros and cons and round up/down? i don't know. it doesn't matter.
can i compare this vacuum situation to god's morals/commandments?
i dont want to disturb the slumberer so i wont use the vacuum.
i love god so i wont break his commandments.
somehow this was all supposed to have some kind of conclusion that would yield to some practical purpose for application to real life but a lot of my late night thoughts never do.
i need something to drink
btw the cockroaches came from a warehouse in california. it's funny and gross.
i feel jumpy and nervous. with the warm weather comes the cockroaches. oh, disgusting things of mother nature's perverted side. i dont know what to do.
the prime of my youth withers away under a thick cloud of boredom
i am trapped in a world of no laughter or song
the only window out is through an electronical box
in which i can see out but no one will see in
to save me
a lack of higher education and self-discipline hinders
the prime of my youth
today i die
yesterday and today
yesterday was a great day. i was full of energy, boisterously happy for no reason, and i got a lot done. today i feel like shit. i've hardly done anything. i slept for most of the day. i read the plays they posted up written by the virginia tech shooter. poor messed up kid. and byu actually wants dick cheney to speak at byu. wtf. dad is very sick. sally is very sick.
i just want to be a character in a charlotte bronte novel.
the bugs around my house have a good defense mechanism. i call it looking dead. they look dead, so i think they are dead, and i don't give them another thought. then they start moving, and i realize they are not dead at all.